In the beginning

In the beginning God saw everything when love went wandering into the night.

Was I first or last?
Was I second best?
These questions quickly pass into the light.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I'll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own.

When my vision died you opened my eyes to something that I had never seen. I have touched your hands and you have called me friend, but doubting never ends until I believe.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I'll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own~~

This is a song on the new CD by Jason Upton. This worship leader has influenced my life a lot. All of his stuff speaks to my heart like a sword. The part of this song that gets me the most is the part where he says "When my vision died you opened my eyes to something that I had never seen. I have touched your hands and you have called me friend, but doubting never ends until I believe" My vision died. More like I murdered it. I said that I didnt want the dreams and visions. I didn't want to know and see what "normal" Christians didnt know or see. He had taken me up to a place where He could show me stuff, things of the spirit that He wanted me to share. He specifically told me to be a voice. to sound the trumpet. When it got to the point that I needed to stand out and use my voice I got scared. I said that if I had to offend people then I didn't want these dreams and visions to continue. I didnt want to be put in a place to speak into peoples lives. You know why? Its because I didnt want to be wrong. I didnt want to put myself in a place where I say something but I got it wrong or it was something people didnt want to hear and then they would be mad at me. The past month, since I've moved back home and allowing my pastors to speak into my life and opening myself up to the Word of God and allowing myself to be shattered, The Lord has really begun to speak to me Reminding me that if I want my vision back He has it. and He wants me to have it back, only I have to become that voice. In fighting this I have discovered that I will never be complete if I try to do something else. If I try to go about my life without surrendering to His callings and anointings on my life. If I try to get what I want and not what He wants that I will never be truely happy. I will not be truely me. Who He created me to be. I dont want to stand face to face with God and feeling so ashmed because of what I could have done but didnt because I was to selfish. I dont know what this is going to look like but I want that vision back the ablity to see from that place He took me. So here goes nothing, but everything all at the same time.